Categories
Humor

CoCo butter Down Your Body

So I was minding my business. Trying to make a few dollars. I’m at the stop light waiting to cross. I look to left, and there is this fine lady walking up the stairs off the subway. I’m talking brown sugar complexion, w/ the faux locs going down the back, and breast area were moisturized by best lotion she could find at a Bed, Bath, and Beyond. She did have a mask on; so I did not know if she was pretty but she was fine. She could of been the leader of the Temptations the way my mind was running away with me. She catches my eyes admiring her. So she come stand by me so she too can cross the street. She took off her mask and she was pretty. I want to say something now because she got my attention. So the first thing I tell this chick is, “Do you need me to massage coco butter down your body?” WHAT THE FUCK! I could not think of no better line so that is the line I choose. She heard me. She gave a look like what did this motherfucker just say. She tells me, “Say that again.” I knew I messed up so I tell her, “Why would you want me to repeat that again.” She says, “Your right.” It’s time to cross and I decide to flee the scene. Didn’t want to be rude or disrespectful to this lady

Categories
Humor

More of a Bullshitter

I was calling myself a hustler because I was trying to speak it into existence. You know the young kids call it manifesting your life. Well I’m more of a bullshitter than a hustler because the bullshitter usually say he is this and that but not really that or this. The bullshitter just talk. I’m all talk and no action. I was falsely calling myself a hustler when I’m a person with a 9-to-5 mentality. I even had the nerve to quote Jay-Z, telling people I’m more than a hustler I’m the definition of it. A nigga like me not even skilled at getting money outside a 9-to-5 job. Damn Dame Dash I have failed you but I’m not going back to having a boss. I just don’t want too. I want to be the boss and be around other bosses. Time to find and channel my inner hustler. I’m searching and don’t plan on giving up the search. I am sure if I can’t find it then I’ll learn how to get money, and learn how to double, triple and quadruple the money. I’m just saying I can’t be claiming things I’m not. Also, I’m saying something because I got people near and dear to people saying stop all that bullshitting I’m doing. A nigga even told that if I was really a hustler it would show for itself. I just want to prove to myself that I’m as good as the average hustler. Goes back to talking less and putting that work in to make this money. I can’t have a billion dollar dream with minimum wage work ethic. And if I can’t stop bullshitting at least I got to minimize the amount of bullshitting I do to close to none.

Categories
Humor

Creating My Own Job

Every time I write it’s me erasing words because what I’m writing isn’t good enough. I’m a confident person all around but when it comes to this writing my nerves get the best of me. Probably because I got nothing to share. I shared info on me already. I’ll do that again.

Hello, my name is Kilien if you didn’t know. I like making people laugh so I’m working my luck on being a professional humorist. I honestly do nothing. I got a job working for the current world’s richest man. I’m a bottom tier robotics guy but when they don’t need me I’m a picker. Somebody give me a time machine to warn my ancestors that it’s going to change from cotton to iPads. I’ve been doing this square ass slave job going on 2 years. I am creating my own job for me as you read. A job that’s cool, pays well and not too many boring days. This will help also if this writing thing don’t pay much. More about me is I love the ladies and money. My god will protect me from the evils both cause so I ain’t worried. Also, I love technology and science.

This site is my social media. The Literary Hustle is for me to share me. Sharing my thoughts, sharing an insight into my life, and me sharing my point of view. I want to share with y’all my stories. All I ask is be patient as I get better. Not just just better at being a humor writer but better at being a person and at life.

 

Categories
Complains Humor

Struggling Writer

The pad is open but the person behind the pen doesn’t know what to write.

Categories
Humor

World-Class Mack

When I tell you I’m a world-class Mack it’s because I am. The world’s top notch ladies want to get with me. I’m talking about actresses, models, madams, singers, executives, Queens and so many other ladies. These are fine and intellectual dimes I deal with, and they like when a man like me spend a little time. Come on, my game a snatch Beyoncé up if she was single and ready to mingle. You under dig that. Sure I can talk a chick into making rivers and causing puddles. That’s why they call me Minute man. But I do feel as if any man can do that. My gift as a world-class Mack is something special that ladies just love. It’s what I call my mojo.

Categories
Humor

07/01/2020

I’m back with more writing. Folks it has been a while but I need to obtain my groove as a writer. I be the literary hustler, and how may I be of value to you? A jack of all trades. A modern day polymath. I’m here for the pleasures of life. Well for now I want to see if I can find my voice as a writer. Also to make some income as a writer. I’m a lucky bastard so I know I’ll get that done. A magnet to money I am. Money always chasing me down to work with me. I don’t take all money but most money good in my hands.

Categories
Humor

Is This Life for the Modern Man?

I would have thought my life would be me constantly evading danger, bedding beautiful women, and profiting off of every opportunity that comes my way. Well, my life is not that at all. My life is going to work at this warehouse and go back home. It’s pretty boring. I’m not saying evading danger and bedding women are all I can think of as fun but it would be better than spending hours upon hours on Xbox.

Like today was my day off. My schedule was me waking up at 2 in the afternoon. I did brush my teeth and wash my face then I played Grand Theft Auto for hours. Then I switched over to Youtube and spent hours watching videos. Let me add the three brief intermissions I took to go rub one out to whatever excited me in the ebony section on Pornhub. Is this life for the modern man? I hope not because I am fed up.

What is wild about all this is that I should be giving my energy to finishing this pre-calculus class so I can get back into school. Or this podcast that I am starting with the big homie. Yet these things are getting no priority in my things-to-do list. I should focus on how these things would help improve the quality of my lifestyle. Yes, I need to improve my lifestyle. Plus I need to put this side hustle idea into action.

Categories
Humor

Get Money and Fuck Bitches

Do you know what stays on my mind besides ways to get the money? Sex, sex, and more sex! Like where the bitches at? My thinking is to get money and fuck bitches. I can’t tell you where I learned these values but it’s all a young dude knows. The thing is I’m barely getting to the money and I don’t have bitches. I mean ladies because I want to be more gentleman like.
Come on, I can’t remember the last time I got some pussy or even something as simple as taking a lady on a date. I do remember a chick taking me to a bar, and five shots of Jack Daniels later we are in the backseat of her car fucking in somebody’s neighborhood. Don’t get me wrong for I’ve had ladies in the past but I do not like thinking about the past unless it’s a valuable lesson there. Other than that I’m in the moment thinking about ways to better my future.
I did learn more people then I expect assume that the ladies are flocking my way to drop off the moist slit between their legs. People better understand I’m more like the average man. Trying to show that one special girl why I think she is special. Most of the times it has nothing to do with sexing them up but forming a connection. I guess because I’m handsome and funny with a smile that can take the place of a star in the night sky they think I’m the ladies man. Perception is not reality folks.

Categories
Humor Hustle Uncategorized

I’m Broke Baby

They say in order to solve a problem you have to acknowledge the problem. So here I am, and I am broke. Not Money Making Mitch broke but can these three eggs in my fridge last me until next paycheck broke. I’m so broke I asked the city bus driver for a ride, told him next time I got him. In a matter of months I went from just over broke to broke. Guess I was never far from a financial shortage because I’m right back.

I had the belief that I was in control of my finances. My bank account statements shoot down that belief like an unarmed black man. The reckless spending on food, liquor, and ladies has caught up with me and my money. Do you blame a young dude for trying to live a good life filled with pleasure? No, but I do blame myself for not having enough discipline to put the pleasure to the side for a moment or two. Young Sweet Jones is looking down at me shaking his head right now. I could hear his voice saying, “Stop all that tricking. Purse first, ass last.” Meaning business over pleasure.

Now I got to work on a solution to this personal crisis and making sure that I do not go back to broke once I’ve solved it because being broke sucks. My solution is a hustle or side hustle. A hustle where I can use my skills and talents to generate an extra source of income.  Either a hustle I find or one I create. Something that does not seem like work because I work already and I don’t like that place. Plus getting a hustle would be a great opportunity to learn how to hustle because Lord knows I do not know how to hustle properly.

Categories
Humor Jobs

Fell Into The Nine to Five Trap

Yo, I just got free from this hypnosis. This whole time I thought I was Full-time hustling but I am full-time slaving. My job is a trap. It’s a false hustle, and I have been giving more time to it then to hustling. 

The blame is on me. I got addicted to their money. Slaving for wealth on a wealthy white man dollar. The pay at my job is below my personal minimum wage too. Explains why I frequently have financial shortages.

Don’t get me wrong for I am grateful for what I make. I rather self-employment. Being the boss is better. Let’a not for get I’m a hustler. I just refuse to be broke something this job ensures doesn’t happen. Literary Hustle is a great hustle but it doesn’t get me paid.

The rapper Jeezy said, “You Gotta Believe.” So I’ll start believing self-employment is going to work out better for me. Also that the payout will be a whole lot better than the checks I receive from working the nine-to-five trap.

So I am starting a travel agency. Our Literary Hustle Travel Agency. Our services are traveling to the beautiful island of Haiti this December thru February.  For the great price of $3500 USD you will be able to experience the Haitian Culture, taste the finest Haitian Cuisine, and experience nightlife like no other Caribbean island. If you like the sizzle I accept bitcoin, cash and gift cards.

Got to free me of this nine-to-five trap. I’ll be on the winning end if I get fired or leave.